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“Buyer beware!”

At the risk of appearing too vocal

oh, why didn’t I just shop local?

I’m starting to sound like a stuck record,

but my rising anger it can’t be cured!

Here I sit shame-faced and broken hearted -

after spending more pennies than it warranted -

clearly, a fool & his money are easily parted!

Grading said "near mint," according to the web,

even before I opened the parcel, a sense of real dread...

even our postman twigged the obvious surprise,

the warped & twisted consignment did spit out a cruel prize!

I expected a shiny plateau of glossy plastic,

instead I paid for an elaborate and costly con-trick.

The record was bent and buckled and bowed

and crinkly and crumpled and creased and chewed.

Worryingly, the seller didn’t return my fervent call,

or answer the violent letters of angry scrawl

and replies to my urgent emails are in shortfall.

Now, I am trying not to go overboard

but this error of judgement I can’t afford

and I have had enough of my unholy discord!

The truth, regardless of the cost, must be told:

for the record, the other choice has left me cold,

I should have bought from: “To Have & To Hold!”

Poetic Opus

The Swilgate Scuttler

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